For most students, college provides an unprecedented opportunity for intellectual stimulation, increased autonomy, self-exploration, and social involvement. Similar to the pathway of all developing human beings, this process encompasses successes, mistakes, and extraordinary occasions to grow and learn.
Help me/Leave me alone
Recognizing when to jump in and give advice or help versus when to be quiet is a skill essential to the development of your child’s independence, and one that few parents acquire smoothly or naturally.
Tips for Supporting Students
- Listen well and quietly.
- Show interest in your student’s studies, social life, and personal growth.
- Allow your child to make mistakes. (remember how much you’ve learned from yours?)
- Step in only when invited, or in the instance where your child may be making self-destructive choices.
- Leave the lectures to the professors.
- Send care packages.
- Collaborate with them to set realistic expectations.
- Recall that pushing, blaming and criticizing invite either outright rebellion or silent resistance.
- See your child as a person in progress, not a final product.
- Encourage your child to take advantage of the many resources, clubs, and activities available here at ÑÇÖÞ²ÊƱ¹ÙÍø.
- Remember it takes time and work to develop new friendships.
- Express appreciation of their new skills.
- Show empathy for struggles.
Signs Things May be More Serious
- Tearful calls outnumber cheerful ones and last beyond the first few weeks of school.
- Weight loss.
- Frequent illness.
- Failing grades.
- Excessive fatigue.
- Significant changes in behavior or appearance.
- Talk of hopelessness or lack of purpose.
- Isolation from friends or family.
Early intervention can avert a crisis. Encourage your child to make an appointment with ÑÇÖÞ²ÊƱ¹ÙÍø Counseling Services (208) 732-6260. The steady, supportive home base you provide will go a long way towards helping your child adjust in a healthy way
Adjusting to the First Summer Home
Upon returning home from college, your student will have become accustomed to increased freedom and a different schedule. Communicate about your expectations, but realize things will never be the same as they were before college. Seek to find a balance between honoring their needs for independence and the family’s needs. Also, don’t take it personally if they talk about missing their life at ÑÇÖÞ²ÊƱ¹ÙÍø or their friends. That means they’ve successfully transitioned to the next phase of adulthood!
What Parents may Experience
Sending a child off to school brings a variety of emotions to most parents. Many parents feel excitement, anticipation or pride when their child leaves, as well as sadness, emptiness, fear or concern.
How to Support Yourself
- Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions arise during this adjustment period, recognizing that these are normal reactions to this transition. While sometimes unpleasant, these usually mellow over time.
- Develop and maintain your support systems.
- Find ways to grow and re-create yourself and others
- Congratulate yourself on getting your child off to college—you’ve worked very hard to reach this milestone!!
- Enjoy a new-found sense of relief and freedom that you are no longer responsible for meeting all of your child’s needs.
- Practice letting go.
- Pay attention to your child’s siblings’ reactions to the missing child.
- Visit your child at school.
- Maintain your sense of humor